Tails, I Fall
by carlasbarlow
Summary: What if Tracy had never been there to stop Carla? And what if Carla had survived the fall?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay so I've been toying with this idea for a while and decided to write it down to see how it would turn out. This takes place in the present, the cliff incident never happened and Tracy never told Carla the truth, she has had to live with the guilt of what happened in the fire for years until she finally breaks. So Aiden's death, losing the factory, Carla's transplant, etc have all happened and she is pushed to the edge, so to speak, so the cliff incident is taking place now, in the present, instead of when it did. I really hope that makes sense ;)**

She stood there, motionless. Fear engulfed her as she looked down to the fate she has been trying to escape for so long. The cold air circling around her face kept her out of her thoughts long enough to deny her the opportunity to overthink what she was going to do. It was quiet. She was far enough away from the hustle and bustle of towns and main roads that the only noise she could hear was the flapping of wings as a murmuration of starlings flew above her. Oh, how she wished she could fly. She dipped her head and looked into the depth of the quarry, biting her lip. How did it come to this? What would happen to the things she would be leaving behind? She had run the thoughts threw her head a million times; who would miss her? Who would care? What reason did she have to stay? She simply came to the conclusion that the world would be so much better off without her. Life had been so cruel to her, more than most, she had spent years learning how to deal with each disaster until the point where she thought, why bother?

She squeezed her eyes shut tight, taking a deep breath in and holding it. "Red or black. Heads or tails. It's just the way things fall," she released, opening her eyes and bending down to pick up the bottle of vodka she had been sipping at. She tipped the bottle back against her mouth allowing the sting of the liquid to grace her throat as she drank before finishing it and throwing it over the edge. There was a moment of silence before she heard the bottle shatter to pieces off a rock at the bottom. "Heads I stand, tails I fall." Reaching into her pocket she pulled out a ten pence piece, rubbing it between her thumb and index finger before flipping it into the air and catching it again, placing it on her forearm with her hand still on top so she couldn't see the result. It didn't matter anyway, she had made up her mind. It would take more than a coin to change it.

She glanced around, taking in her surroundings. She had been so focused on the task that lay ahead that she hadn't taken a moment to think about what she was leaving behind, the memories she had made. She thought of her brother, Rob, how they used to play on this very same quarry as children and how she had came up with the idea of putting one of his long forgotten action men figures into a supermarket trolley and launching it over the edge to see if it would survive the fall. Despite her being the only girl amongst the gang of Rob's friends, and the youngest, she was fearless. They would play chicken on the edge of the cliff, each of them tossing a coin to decide who would stand on the edge and count to fifty with their eyes closed. She volunteered to do it almost every time. There was something about the thrill of standing on the edge of death that excited her. Looking over the edge now she felt nothing but numb, empty, wishing she had have taken just one step forward all those years ago, before she had a chance to screw everything up.

She removed her hand from the top of the coin on the forearm, a slight smirk creeping over her face as she looked down at the answer it gave her, the answer she had already accepted long before she tossed the coin. "Tails I fall." She took a breath, a small part of her hoping and wishing that someone had followed her, that in a few seconds they would call out her name and beckon her away from the edge. She didn't have to turn around to look to know that wouldn't the case. She thought of Nick, how much she loved him but also how much she knew she would hurt him if she stuck around. He was too good for her, she didn't deserve him. She had fought with him just before she left, ultimately finishing their relationship. She was cruel and said hurtful things in hope that it would be easier for him in the aftermath. She could never love him as much as he loved her, he would do anything for her but she couldn't even stay alive for him.

" _Carla, babe, please talk to me.._ " Michelle's voice crept into her head. Only an hour ago had she been perched beside her, trying to say her goodbyes without making it too obvious. " _Chelle, I love you, you know that. I just need some time alone._ " Michelle had only sighed and nodded at her, knowing not to prod her too much as she had her own way to deal with things so she simply let her go. It felt like such a waste of all the years of friendship. Although grateful that she had Michelle in Helen life to give her few moment she of joy they had experienced together, she wondered whether Michelle's life would have been far less painful and dramatic had she never been in it. She thinks back to Michelle's pained look just before she had left her. Carla was sure that if she knew the truth she would have held onto her and never let go. A small tear made its way down her cheek as she thought about her, the only true and constant thing that was in her life, the only person she would really miss. Michelle was her best friend and she couldn't bare the thought of what this would do to her. "I'm so sorry, babe.." she voiced out loud, knowing that she couldn't hear her but somehow she would know. The sound of her hoarse and raspy voice brought her back to the reality that was unfolding before her.

She looked up, taking in the blueness of the sky and she smiled as if she were at peace already. This was the only thing she had been sure about for weeks, and now it was time. She shut off her thoughts for they had only caused her to stall long enough already. Taking a deep breath she took a step forward where she was now veering over the edge, small rocks crumbling and falling from under her feet. "Tails I fall," she repeated, closing her eyes tightly and exhaling. It all came down to this. Red or black, heads or tails, live or die. The silence deafened her, her head spinning with conflicting thoughts that wouldn't switch off. A slight whimper escaped her lips as she knew it was time. Her breathing increased, her heart pounding painfully against her chest, threatening to rip through it at any moment. She reached out her left foot, leaving it to hover in the air for a moment before leaning forward.

It happened quickly. The wind rushed through her hair, her body falling almost gracefully through the air. She kept her eyes shut because although she wasn't scared to do this she didn't want her last seconds to be as terrifying as the reality was. Instead she pictured the faces of all the people she had loved, all the happy moments she had experienced, everything good she was leaving behind. Then, and only then did a moment of doubt shroud her thoughts. 'Why am I doing this? I don't want to die.' She panicked, opening her eyes just a split second before everything went black. It was too late. She had made her decision and now she would have to live with it, or rather die with it.

 **A/N: I really hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have a few ideas for the story so please review and let me know whether you'd like me to continue :)**


	2. Chapter 2

"Can you hear me?" The voice was soft but almost had a sense of urgency with it. She didn't recognise it but for some reason it brought her comfort. She wanted to open her eyes, to get up and run but she didn't seem to be in control of her body anymore. Nothing was working as it should have been. "Can you tell me your name?" She listened carefully, trying to take in as many sounds as she could hoping that in some way something would be familiar enough to her to help piece things together. ' _What happened? Where am I? Who are these people?_ ' Her thoughts raced. She could hear sirens in the distance and people talking although she couldn't make out what they were saying. A loud high pitched tone rang through her ears as she could vaguely hear what was happening close to her. ' _Why can't I move?_ ' she thought, trying to open her eyes.

But then she felt it. The pain that seared through her entire body, almost like what she imagined burning flesh would feel like. Every inch of her body throbbed and ached and then she remembered. ' _I jumped.. I'm alive?_ ' She tried to take in everything she could remember but her head was too sore, she couldn't concentrate on anything other than the pain. She tried to open her mouth, to make a sound so that whoever it was standing over her wouldn't leave her alone. "We're going to give you some morphine for the pain, alright?" The voice rang through her ears and within minutes she felt the muscles of her body begin to relax and the pain starts to weaken. She could breathe again. ' _I'm okay.. I'm okay.._ ' she thought to herself. She tried again to open her eyes, this time succeeding. One eye opened slightly, enough to make her want to close it as the brightness that she didn't expect hit her. It was the same blue sky that she remembered had brought her peace not long ago. Taking a moment to adjust to the light she opened her eyes fully before everything goes black.

The sound of the ventilator was the only thing filling the otherwise silent room. Her chest rose up and down in time with the machine, almost like it was dancing with the noise of the oxygen rattling through the chambers and through the tube that had been inserted into her mouth. Apart from the nurse that reappeared every fifteen minutes checking the monitors and scribbling something down on the clipboard on the end of the bed the room was empty. There was a knock at the door before a tall doctor entered, his eyes heavy. He had obviously been working a double shift and knew he wouldn't be getting home anytime soon. "The family's here. How are her obs?" He glanced at the clipboard in the nurses hand. "Blood pressure's holding steady, heart rate is strong, no signs of distress so far." The doctor nodded as he turned behind him, raising his hand to beckon over whoever had been standing in the corridor.

"Oh god, what has she done.." Michelle's voice trails off as she grabs Johnny's hand, squeezing it tightly. They both stare in the direction of the hospital bed where Carla lays. Her face is covered with cuts and stitches, both eyes were black with bruising and she had a slightly blood stained bandage covering her head. The extent of her injuries looked horrifying to them, but the fact that she was still alive brought them some form of comfort. She lay still in the bed, her long brown hair draped over her shoulders although still mottled with blood. "She looks so small." Michelle covered her mouth as silent tears spilled from her eyes. She clung on to Johnny who had yet to move or speak, he just stared silently.

"Is she going to be okay?" He finally speaks, his voice breaking from remaining quiet for so long. He couldn't understand why she would want to do this to herself, especially after Aiden. His death had shook the entire family so hard, especially Carla. Everybody thought she was being strong, dealing with her grief so calmly but Johnny knew deep inside she was falling apart. Only now as he looked down upon her down upon her did he realise how much she must have been hurting. He finally shifts his gaze to the doctor standing beside them who had begun reading from the clipboard.

"Carla's injuries were extremely severe. She has suffered numerous fractures, mainly her left leg and 4 ribs which then in turn punctured her lung. We managed to insert a chest tube to reinflate the lung. She had a mass of internal bleeding from a ruptured spleen which we then had to remove -" Johnny could feel Michelle gripping onto him tighter as though she might fall. He could feel his own knees weaken at the thought of his eldest daughter having so many injuries that could have been prevented had somebody known how she was feeling. "- and as I'm sure you can see numerous cuts and bruising which in time should heal with no complications. Now, Carla did have quite a serious cerebral edema -" Michelle shoots him a puzzled look which the doctor understood from experience without her having to explain. "- swelling of the brain. We have had to put her into an induced coma until the swelling recedes. It sounds worse than it is, it will give her body the chance to rest and heal without her having to work so hard. I'm very surprised she hasn't come away with more extreme injuries given the circumstances. It's a miracle she's even alive at all."

"When will she wake up? Will she wake up?" Michelle's voice is soft, almost like a child's. The doctor proceeds to answer her questions with ease as Johnny walks slowly towards the bed, his eyes welling with tears as he looks down at his daughter. "How did I miss this again? How many children am I going to have to lose?" He spoke gently, obviously blaming himself. He looked down at Carla's pale hand before slipping his own hand into it, careful of the cannula that had been inserted into her frail veins. "You better wake up," his tone of voice changes, as if he was scolding her. "Don't you dare leave us, love." He sits in the chair next to her bed, still holding her hand, and breaks down into a flood of tears.

Michelle looks over, instantly breaking the conversation she was having with the doctor and walking towards Johnny. She put her arms around him, choking back her own tears. She looked at her best friend, only seeing the extent of the bruising on her face now that she was closer. If she had even the slightest idea Carla would have done this she would never have let her leave earlier. She knew Carla had been having a hard time lately and she was always there to lend her a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, but Carla had a tough exterior. She never let her guard down enough to show people how she truly felt. Michelle sobbed quietly as she held Johnny, trying her best to comfort him. "She'll get through this, I know she will. She's tough as old boots, our Carla."

 **A/N: Thank you for the reviews so far. I forgot to mention in the first chapter that although this is taking place now, in the present, Nick is still around. They never got married but stayed together (up until the events in the chapter one). Can't wait to continue it and all being well there should be regular updates :)**


	3. Chapter 3

"So it's good news then?" Michelle's eyes widened, hoping that the words she was hearing from the doctor meant that Carla's recovery was going exactly as they had anticipated. She had been in an induced coma for almost three weeks now and it had taken its toll on the whole family. There had been plenty of visitors to keep her company, although she wasn't aware they were there. Michelle had been by her bedside every day, only leaving to fetch a quick cup of coffee or to use the restroom. Johnny stopped by when he could, feeling guilty that he couldn't be there for his daughter night and day but he had stepped up to keep the factory afloat as well as the pub all the while keeping on top of his medication. Even Nick had stopped by a few times, despite Carla having finished their relationship on heartbreaking terms but he knew she wasn't in the right frame of mind.

"It's excellent news. She's breathing on her own without the need of the ventilator so we will extubate her as soon as possible," the doctor spoke in a matter-of-fact tone as he glanced down at the file of notes that rested in his arms. It had started off as a clipboard with only one piece of paper but the paperwork and test results had soon accumulated to create something resembling the large binders of paperwork Carla would often flick through in the factory. "The puncture in her lung seems to have rectified itself, her ribs are healing well and her leg will remain in the cast for the next 8 weeks. I've said it everyday since she came in and I'll say it again, it's a miracle that Carla's alive." The doctor smiled, scribbling down his messy signature on a sheet of paper before disappearing out of the room.

Michelle practically ran to Carla's bedside, taking her hand and giving it a small squeeze. "Hear that, you'll be back to bossing everyone around in no time," she leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, tears of joy filling her eyes. It had been a long three weeks but the news that Carla was doing well and recovering made up for the lack of sleeping and eating. Robert had given her time off from the Bistro to stay by Carla's side as she couldn't imagine leaving her alone at a time when she needed people around her. Michelle had feared for the worst ever since she received the phone call about what had happened. She can still remember the blood curdling scream that she heard on the other end of the line when she answered the call from Johnny.

" _Oh god, Michelle!_ " Just the tone of his voice as he sobbed into the receiver made her fully aware that something terrible had happened. She hadn't received a call like this since Carla phoned to break the news about Aiden's death. " _Johnny, calm down. What's happened? What is it?_ " Her heart rate increased as she desperately tried to get any information out of him she could, all the while her mind facing and imagining the worst. " _It's Carla!_ " As soon as she heard Carla's name she froze in fear, the colour draining from her face as she reached for the closest thing to her to steady herself, fearing she might collapse. " _Oh Michelle.._ " his sobs broke her heart and she tried to hold herself together long enough to find out what was going on. " _Johnny, listen to me. Tell me what's happened._ " Her voice became firmer as he fell silent on the other end of the phone. This scared Michelle even more and she called his name, hoping he was still there. " _She jumped, Michelle. Carla's jumped off a flamin' cliff._ "

Carla's life has always been plagued with disaster and drama. At times she didn't mind because the attention that came with it was somewhat comforting. Ever since the fire in the flats at Victoria Court she seemed to be on a downward spiral. She began drinking uncontrollably, not even giving her body the chance to sober up before opening up the next bottle. Then came the gambling. She spent thousands of pounds of her own money, the business income and even using Nick's credit card to feed her addiction. She always tried to justify it, reiterating that nobody else would ever understand, that it was the thrill of being in the moment that shut her mind off so she didn't have to dwell on the misfortunes of the past. Michelle had tried speaking to her on numerous occasions, Nick offered to take her abroad for a few weeks to help her to unwind and ease a bit of tension, Kate and Johnny had always been there to lend an ear, even Roy had tried his best to persuade her to stop before she pushed away any more people and ended up hurting herself more. But there was no end of it.

It was understandable how it had came to this. All the debt, the relationships that had broken down, the business with the factory and the aftermath of Aiden's death seemed to just pile on top of her. She had no room to breathe. She was slowly suffocating in all the mistakes she had made and nothing or no one could pull her back to reality. She knew the cliff was the only solution and she knew everyone else would be better off without her. How wrong she had been. If only she had asked for help at the time there was no doubt everybody would have rallied round to get her the help she needed. Carla had been so good at giving advice to other people but she could never take it herself. Even after Aiden's death when Johnny was at his worst she was the one to pull him back from the edge. ' _Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, it won't solve anything._ ' She repeated this to him so many times, at least until she knew it had sunk in. If only she had have listened to herself and allowed it to sink in, but at the time her problems seemed far from temporary to her.

Michelle jumped slightly as the door of the hospital room flew open and Johnny, Kate and Nick entered. "They said they were taking her off the ventilator and lightening her sedation, we thought we'd all be here for when she wakes up," Johnny's eyes shone for the first time in weeks and Michelle couldn't blame him for she was just as excited as he was. "If she wakes up.." Kate whispered, picking away at whatever nail she had left on her thumb. "What if she doesn't wake up?" Johnny put his arm around her offering her a hopeful smile. There was a small knock on the door as it opened and they all spun round hoping to see the doctors arriving to begin the process but their smiles quickly fade as an unwelcome face appeared in the doorway. "What are you doing here?" Michelle said harshly, shaking her head in disbelief. "I just wanted to be here, y'know for Carla, when she wakes up," Peter spoke softly, looking down at the small and fragile frame in the bed. Despite every stitch, every bruise and every cut she was still beautiful.


	4. Chapter 4

Peter shifted nervously on his feet, staring down at the woman who lay in the hospital bed before him and trying to ignore the others in the room. Carla was the love of his life and it killed him that he had broken her heart more than once. He couldn't help but wonder how things might have turned out had she given him a second chance. Would they still be married? Would they have kids? Would they still be living on the street? Ever since investing in the factory he held on to a small glimmer of hope that somehow she might find her way back to him. He was a changed man after all, and he had been trying his best to prove it to her. It didn't matter what happened in his life, she was always the one constant thing that kept him going. If only she had felt the same way. He clung onto the idea of them getting back together, that maybe, just maybe she was falling in love with him all over again, especially after they shared a kiss in the factory. But he knew she was engaged to Nick and he was a far better man than Peter could ever dream to be.

"I think you should leave. She needs to be surrounded with support and love when she comes round, not faced with even more mistakes that she's made in the past." Nick's words cut through him like a knife. He held up his hands and raised his eyebrows, not wanting to start a row. "Look, I know I've done some terrible things, but I need to be here. She would want me here.." the reaction of the others was not as he'd hoped. Michelle scoffed and glanced over to Johnny and Kate, placing her hands on her hips. "Did you hear that? Carla would want him here!" Peter rolled his eyes as she mocked, knowing he wasn't there to please anyone or tell them what they wanted to hear. He kept his eyes fixated on Carla, deriving comfort from the fact that she wasn't conscious to hear what was going on. "Since when did you ever care about what Carla would want."

It was at that moment that the doors to the room opened and the team of doctors appeared and the group fell silent. This was the moment they had been waiting for, after three long weeks it was finally time to take Carla out of the coma. Michelle grabbed hold of Johnny's hand who in turn held onto Kate's. They stood at one side of Carla's bedside, careful to leave room for the doctors, while Nick took his place at the other side. Peter remained at the foot of the bed, his eyes never leaving the wounded face laying before him. Despite her bruises, Carla looked radiant, almost as if she was glowing. "Alright folks, now just a word of warning. She could wake up straight away or it could be hours so if you're staying feel free to make yourselves comfortable. Now once she wakes up I'm gonna have to ask that it be two at a time just for a little while until we can get the specialist psychiatric doctor to come in and go over a few things with Carla." The doctor explained carefully, knowing that none of them were fully paying attention as they were anxiously waiting to see what would happen.

He carefully pulled the tape from around Carla's mouth which had been holding the endotracheal tube in place, waiting until her next exhalation before carefully removing the tube from her throat. A small cough emerged from Carla's mouth and it was almost as if everyone leaned forward at once, hoping she was awake but it seemed to be an involuntary reflex. The doctors were busy removing any other tubes and wires that were no longer necessary, leaving the cannula in her hand to continue administering fluids and antibiotics. They were finally able to see Carla's face in full for the first time since the incident and seeing how far the bruises had reached came as a shock to some of them as you could hear the quiet sobs echoing through the room. The doctors had finished explaining what they could expect to happen and had left the room, leaving them alone with each other again.

Seconds turned to minutes which then developed into hours without so much as a hint of Carla regaining consciousness. Michelle had been holding her hand and talking to her, coaxing her to squeeze her hand just so they knew she could hear them, but nothing had happened. Peter had been on numerous coffee runs, wanting to keep out of the way of Michelle and Nick in particular in hopes of avoiding a disagreement. Every time he left the room his heart leapt into his throat with anxiety, hoping she wouldn't waken while he wasn't there. Johnny hadn't spoken much, he just sat by Carla's side and stared, thoughts of Aiden running through his head, trying to piece together what had caused Aiden to take his own life and for Carla to want to. Kate had returned home to Rana with her father promising to call if there were any changes, no matter how small. Nick sighed and looked at Michelle, his eyes were tired and dull, the wrinkles on his face clearly prominent due to the stress of the situation. "What if she doesn't wake up?"

Just as he had finished speaking and small cough could be heard coming from the bed followed by a slight gasp. Everybody leapt to their feet, their eyes wide and smiles stretched across their faces. "Carla, can you hear me? We're here.. we're all here, darling." Michelle spoke softly, still holding Carla's hand in her own. Peter came through the door holding two coffees, outstretching his arms to give them to their recipients before catching a glimpse of Carla moving slightly. He sat the beverages aside and stood at the end of the bed. "When did she wake up? Has she said anything?" The excitement was crystal clear in his voice as he spoke. His questions were left unanswered as everybody was too focused on Carla as she slowly began to open her eyes and look around at the faces before her.

"Oh Carla, thank god. You're alright!" Michelle began to cry, leaning forward to kiss Carla on the forehead. She pushed a strand of her deep brown hair behind her ear, carefully not to disrupt the position of the bandage that was still wrapped around Carla's head. "You gave us a right scare. We're so glad you're okay." Johnny spoke as put his arm around Michelle's shoulders, taking a deep breath of relief at the thought that he wouldn't have to be burying another member of his family. Carla glanced at the other side of the bed where Nick stood before looking back at Michelle who was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Quit.. quit fussing. You're all hanging about here like a bad smell," Carla spoke weakly, her voice breaking slightly from not having been used in so long. Her mind was a hazy blur. She knew exactly where she was having been in the hospital so many times in the past but she couldn't piece together how exactly she had got there. She decided not to dwell too much on it for now since she had only just woke up and was happy to enjoy the company of her family. Nick grinned at her, a small spark reigniting in his eyes. He wondered did she remember the fight they had had before she left. Did she mean it or was it a defence mechanism so that she wouldn't feel too guilty for being up on that cliff? "I'm so happy you're all here. I hope you haven't given my lovely hubby too much of a hard time." Her mouth curled into a small smirk, her eyes still slightly squinting to readjust to the lights and she lifted up her hand shakily, beckoning him to hold it. "Well, not exactly hubby just yet.." Nick's voice trailed off as he involuntarily reached out for her hand but soon realised that she had not meant it for him. Peter felt the eyes of everyone in the room staring at him as he stood at the foot of the bed, not knowing how to respond. He looked down at her hand which was held out for him, wondering whether he should take it in his.


	5. Chapter 5

Peter looked down at the hand outstretched toward him. He wanted nothing more than to take it in his and sit next to Carla on the bed. Ever since investing in the factory he has noticed things weren't as strained between the pair of them. They were talking a lot more than they had been when he was with Toyah, they mad met up several times to grab a quick lunch, they even exchanged a few flirtatious remarks here and there. Peter knew Carla was with Nick and she was relatively happy with him, but that didn't stop him from testing his luck. He believed that they had chemistry and despite the horrible things Peter had done in the past and how he had hurt her, that chemistry had never quite left them. He looked down at her lying in the bed, her eyebrows raised and she waited for him to hold her hand. "Well, go on then, don't just stand there like you've seen a ghost."

Michelle reached out and filled Carla's empty hand with her own, her happy expression had quickly changed to something more apprehensive. "Carla, sweetheart.. Peter's not your husband," she spoke softly, her thumb gently rubbing over the back of Carla's hand, carefully not to put pressure on the cannula still providing the antibiotics into Carla's system. "He hasn't been your husband in a long time." She looked down at her best friend, clearly puzzled as to why she had thought Peter was her husband. They hadn't been together for years and Michelle had hoped it would stay that way. She noticed how since Peter and Toyah had split, he had been doing everything in his power to charm Carla and despite her own best efforts of warning, Michelle knew deep down Carla was starting to fall for him all over again.

Carla's smirk soon faded as she glanced around at the faces that stared at her. She let out a small laugh, trying to suppress the cough that threatened to over take it. "Have you all gone mad? Of course he's my flamin' husband." she rolled her eyes as she pushed her elbows behind her, trying to sit herself upright. The pain that radiated from her ribs was the first thing to stop her from doing so, second was Johnny. "You're gonna hurt yourself, here let me." Johnny ushered her to lie back down as he pressed the button on the side of the bed that soon allowed her to sit up without her having to strain herself. Carla gave him an appreciative smile before looking back to where Peter was standing at the foot of the bed, still silent. "Tell them, will ya?"

"They're right, love. I'm not your husband. Not anymore." It almost killed him to have to say the words. They way she had looked at him just seconds ago, full of love and relief that he was there with her, it was the only expression he had wanted to see on her face since he finished with Toyah. Carla was the only woman he had ever fully succumbed to. He loved Toyah, of course, but nowhere near as much as he did Carla. She was his entire life, he loved and breathed for that woman. Those feelings don't just go away over time. Her expression changed to obvious confusion before a smile appeared across her face. "You can drop the act, I ain't falling for it. Honestly, you lot must have nowt better to do." Her small chuckle soon faded as she watched their face remain completely serious, looking at each other before back to her.

"Darling, what's the last thing you remember?" Michelle spoke softly, having come to the conclusion that her brain injury, despite the doctor emphasising that it was not as serious as it could have been, must have caused amnesia of some sort. Maybe she remembered everything but just not the tiny details, like who she was married to or what she had done last weekend? Michelle hadn't expected the words that came from Carla's mouth and she had to sit down before she dropped to the floor. "It were our wedding day," Carla nodded towards Peter. "I was waiting for you in the hotel room, I think I was drunk. Did something happen? How did I get here?" Michelle could feel her heart breaking. She was going to be there for Carla, no matter what, to support her and help her to recover. But how exactly was she supposed to relive the past few years of Carla's life with her, especially since they had been through hell lately and she was already going through an emotionally delicate time.

Nick had stepped back from the bed feeling slightly rejected although he understood this could all be a side effect from the injury to her head. He understood this more than most as he himself had struggled with memory loss after his accident many years before. Carla didn't like the unusual silence in the room and shook her head, throwing her hands up in defeat. "Look, if somebody doesn't tell me what's going on, I swear to-" It was then that Nick stepped forward, interrupting Carla and closing the space between himself and the bed. He knew he shouldn't have blurted everything out like he was about to, but a part of him knew that she would appreciate not being kept in the dark anymore. "It's been five years since your wedding day, Carla. Peter was having an affair with Tina, Rob killed Tina, you turned him in to the police and he was sent down, you-" his voice came to a stop as Carla's hand was raised.

She lay in the bed with her eyes shut tight, taking in everything Nick was saying and trying her best to remember. Nick hadn't even begun with the amount of information and events she had been trying to collect over the past five years but just the mention of Peter's affair and Rob's imprisonment were too much for her to handle already. The last thing she could remember was the happiest day of her life, marrying the man she was completely and utterly in love with and now she was being told that there is another five years of missing pieces that she has to rediscover. Nothing is as she knew it to be, and she couldn't begin to wrap her head around it. She held her hand up, stopping Nick from saying anymore.

"Out.." It came out only as a whisper and as she opened her eyes she could see everyone in the room looking at each other. Hoping that one of the others had been able to distinguish what she had just said. Carla took a deep breath and began to shout, her voice cracking with the force of her outburst."I SAID GET OUT, ALL OF YOU. JUST GET OUT!" She watched as they scrambled out of the door, none of them brave enough to put up a fight to stay with her. It was only as the door closed that Carla began to sob, tears streaming down her face as she became overwhelmed that the only life she could remember was not the life she was living now.


	6. Chapter 6

Carla sat upright in the hospital bed, impatiently flicking through a magazine Michelle had left for her as she waited for the doctor to return with her latest scan results. it had been two days since she had kicked everyone out of her room and nobody had tried to contact her since, except for the odd gift or card which was left at the nurse's station, as they had decided that the best thing for Carla right now was to give her space. She needed time to process things even though she had been given merely a snippet of information. With the trauma she had suffered to her head it could only take something minor to trigger some sort of subconscious reaction that could cause her recovery to regress. Michelle had wanted nothing more than to be sat by her bedside, comforting her and reminding her of all the good that had happened in the last five years; that it wasn't all bad. Johnny's phone was prised in his hand firmly as his fingers grazed over the buttons that he had been longing to dial. He knew it was better that he didn't phone her, but he couldn't help but ache over the feeling of uselessness that washed over him from doing nothing.

It was Nick who took the first step in going to visit Carla. He hadn't told anybody he was planning to see her and was anxious at the thought of her still being in the mood he had left her in. He arrived at the door of her room on the ward and knocked, opening the door slowly. Before him stood a doctor holding a rather large file who was bent in Carla's direction and showing her a picture of what appeared to be her brain scan. He lifted it and carefully slotted it back into his binder and smiled at his patient. "This is very good news, Carla, and since your recovery has been going to plan you might even be ready to discharge later this week." The doctor nodded in the direction of Nick as he gathered his other charts and belongings and swiftly left the room. Nick raised his eyebrow at Carla who sat on the edge of the bed with her legs hovering slightly off the floor.

She wasn't as pale as she had been before, her bruises and cuts had began to heal and fade and her eyes shone with the same familiar light that Nick recognised so well. He watched as she attempted to stretch a finger down into the cast that enveloped her left leg, desperately trying to scratch an itch that had obviously been bothering her for a while. "Shall I fetch my mum's knitting needles?" Nick smirked and looked at her fondly, wanting nothing more than to sit down beside her and put his arms around her. He was so glad she was still here and mainly unscathed from the incident. What would he have done without her if he had lost her? It didn't bear thinking about and he felt himself shaking his head slightly to rid the thoughts from his mind. "What are you doing here?" Carla asked. Despite looking brighter and appearing to seem in a much better mood she sounded dull and emotionless. Nick couldn't help but frown, feeling dejected. "I wanted to check in. The doctor.. he had good news?" Carla nodded and glanced around the room. "No lasting damage, the memory loss should be temporary. I'll be back to me bad ol' self in no time so I guess that means -"

"I love you, Carla.." The words seemed to slip out before he could even process them in his mind. He had wanted to say them from the moment he first seen her since the incident but she had been unconscious or hadn't remembered that they were even together, but he couldn't hold it back any longer. "I'm sorry, but I do. I love you and I still want to marry you.. if you'll have me." He smirked and edged slowly towards her, desperately wanting to take her by the hand and pull her up into a warm embrace. Carla's expression didn't change at all, instead she looked at the ground and done her best to avoid Nick gaze. "I'm sorry, I just can't remember owt. How did we even end up together? I love Peter, I married Peter.." she trailed off, noticing that what she was saying was obviously hurting him but she couldn't help it as it was what she had known to be true.

"Peter isn't the man for you. He has hurt you in so many ways. You said it yourself, you could never forgive him for what he has done to you in the past. I love you, and I want to make things work. I want to give you everything you could ever possibly want. I'm here for you, Carla, and I always will be.." he looked at her in desperation. As she gazed into his eyes she seen a different man from which she was accustomed to. The Nicholas Tilsley she knew would never have said these words. In fact she didn't think he had ever said anything kind to her before. Their encounters had always been in quite stressful situations which usually always ended up in an argument of some kind. She could see the kindness in his eyes now, a Nick that she might not have known or been used to but there was something about him that felt warm and familiar. Was he right? Is he the better man for her?

Her thoughts were very quickly interrupted by a unwelcome knock on the door and she looked up to see Johnny poking his head through the gap. "Mind if I come in?" He chirped, smiling to see that Carla was sitting up. Carla waved him in looking back at Nick who had taken this as his cue to leave. He didn't expect an answer from Carla straight away but he hoped that somewhere deep inside she would remember what they had. "I'll leave you both to it," he nodded to Carla and made his way out of the hospital room. Johnny closed the door after him and walked towards Carla, sitting down on the bed beside her. "I hope it's okay that I'm here. How are you feeling?" He reached out his hand and placed it gently on her shoulder. She smiled up at him and nodded slowly. "I'm okay.. I feel okay, all things considered." She hadn't taken much time to go over what Nick had blurted out days ago about Peter's affair and Rob's imprisonment as she has been busy with tests, scans and physio therapy. It had been pushed to the back of her mind but she knew she would have to face it sooner or later as hundreds of questions had been looming in her thoughts.

Johnny sighed and looked at her. Did she even remember that she was his daughter? Did she know about Aiden? What was her last memory of him? He knew he would have to tell her and only since the nurse had filled him in on her remarkable progress he decided now was the best time. Carla could tell by his expression he wasn't here to exchange pleasantries. She lifted her legs back onto the bed and lay with her back against her pillows. She had been in good spirits today and she knew that whatever conversation was going to take place would bring her mood crashing down, but it had to be done. She needed to know what had happened in those last five years. "We need to discuss a few things.." Johnny's eyes shifted nervously between Carla and his fingers which were fidgeting with the wedding ring on his finger. Carla hadn't noticed it before and couldn't help but wonder when he had gotten married and who to. She decided not to ask as it seemed Johnny knew exactly what he was going to say already. "Discuss what exactly?" She tilted her head curiously, awaiting whatever bad memories were about to come pouring out of his mouth. A frown crept across his face as his hands went still and he looked back up at her. "We need to talk about Aiden."


	7. Chapter 7

Carla sat still in the hospital bed and allowed Johnny's words to sink in. There had been many moments she had wanted to interject and question what he was saying but she simply remained silent and allowed him to finish. He had been staring at the ground the entire time he spoke and she noticed tears falling from his eyes every now and again. She hadn't then realised her cheeks were damp from the trails of her own tears. Her last memory of Aiden since the incident had been on a night out with Michelle. They had done a pub crawl for Paul's 21st Birthday and Liam and Rob has joined them. She always got on well with Aiden but was never particularly close to him so everything Johnny was saying had come as a bit of a shock. She hoped that somewhere in her mind she could remember the past five years, the memories that they had together since he moved to the street, but she couldn't remember a thing.

"He loved you so much, you know. Didn't even give it a second thought when you needed a kidney. That's the sort Aiden was.." Johnny's words were soft and reminiscent as he pointed to Carla's torso. She narrowed her eyebrows and felt her stomach, faintly being able to distinguish a change in texture on her skin. She hadn't really examined herself properly since the incident and had just assumed that any cuts and scrapes had been from the fall. "I've.. I've got his kidney?" Johnny looked her in the eyes and took her hand in his, nodding at her. "Why would he do that for me? We barely knew each other." Johnny gulped, knowing that from her statement she was unaware that Aiden was far more than a distant relative through her marriage to Paul but he simply carried on. "Because of you, Aiden stayed with us for a few more weeks. He would have done what he did far sooner if you hadn't have needed him. You have him a reason to keep going.. even for a little while. For that I am so grateful."

Carla's mind spun with thoughts and questions. Why did Aiden kill himself? What had happened that things had became so hard for him to want to do that? She could understand to a degree, after all it was only a few weeks earlier she had thrown herself off a cliff, but that was different. She didn't quite know how it was different as she couldn't remember why she had been on that cliff in the first place, but she knew something must have happened to push her over the edge. Aiden had always been a carefree, happy soul and she couldn't imagine him having the weight of the world on his shoulders. If things had went downhill for him after returning to the street could she have been responsible? Although her memories were scrambled, Carla knew that she had always been the type of girl cause grief everywhere she went. Was she the reason Aiden was so depressed he ended his own life?

"Johnny, I don't understand. Why did he do it? Did something happen? Did I.." She stopped suddenly when Johnny raised his hand in front of her mouth, his expression changing to a more concerned look. "Don't you dare finish that sentence and don't you dare even think about blaming yourself. You had nothing to do with what Aiden did. It were his choice. It's taken me months to come to terms with it but that much I do know." Carla's eyes welled up once more and she sniffed as she felt the tears stream down her face. "Come ere, you." Johnny moves closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. He couldn't hold his own tears back as he felt Carla sobbing into his shoulder. It was the first time Johnny had ever seen her break down. It was so hard for him to see her so wounded like this but he was eternally grateful that after everything she was still here with him today.

They cried for a while before talking some more. Johnny filled her in on other trivial bits of informations as well as telling her all about Kate's exciting love life after her cancelled engagement. "Well at least someone's making the most of things, eh?" Carla smirked and let out a small giggle, picturing Michelle unknowingly interrupting Kate and Rana's rendezvous in the bistro. Time seemed to pass by so quickly as Johnny and Carla talked. She felt comfortable and at ease with him, despite not having seen him in so many years, to her knowledge. He told her all about Jenny and their marriage, Michelle's heartache over losing baby Ruairi, Tracy and Robert romance and split and even Steve getting Leanne pregnant. "Well, I cant say I'm too surprised about that. Leanne never did understand boundaries when it came to other people's blokes." She laughed somewhat nervously knowing that she was being hypocritical. After all Peter had been married to Leanne when they had started their affair.

"Do you want another coffee, love?" Johnny stood up from the bed, smiling down at her warmly. She adjusted herself against the pillows and shook her head. "No ta, it's gonna be hard enough to sleep tonight without adding more caffeine to the mix." She smirked and looked at Johnny, noticing the trace of worry in his expression. "Johnny what is it?" As soon as she spoke he turned away from her in attempt to hide his face. He never was one for keeping things secret and his face was always the tell tale sign. "It's nothing, love. Maybe I should go so you can get some kip?" Carla three her legs over the edge of the bed and held on to the railing, dreading herself before she tried to stand. Johnny turned back and rushed over to her. "Don't get up, you're not supposed to walk without the doctor, remember?" Carla waved her hand in front of him dismissively. "Either you tell me what's going on in that head of yours or I'll get the first cab back to the pub and speak to Michelle. Your choice." She knew he was keeping something from her and she wasn't going to let it go until he told her what it was.

Johnny sighed and sat on the chair that was beside the bed. He ran his hands over his knees and looked up at Carla, knowing this information would be a shock to her but hoping she wouldn't react the same way she did when he first told her. "Okay.. you remember the huge fight Lou and I had, the night she died?" She nodded slowly, having heard about it from Michelle many years earlier. She wondered what he was going to say and how it had anything to do with her. "I had an affair and Lou found out. Sharon told her." He looked at his feet, awaiting the reaction that he was sure would be coming. Carla narrowed her eyebrows and looked puzzled, rubbing her head and not understanding what he was trying to say. "Okay.. and what's that got to do with the price of cheese?" She smirked slightly as he looked up to her and frowning. "Carla, I had an affair with Sharon... I'm your dad."

Carla couldn't process the information she had just heard. She simply sat upright in the bed, frozen with confusion. How could he be her dad? Why didn't she remember this? She felt Johnny's hand rub her arm and could hear the faint noise of him speaking to her but everything felt like a blur. Did he know he was her father for all those years? Why hadn't he told her sooner? Her entire childhood could have been so different had she had a parent that might have care even the slightest bit about her. It was just as well Carla was still on the bed because as she fell backwards she landed softly on the pillows. Her head spun due to the amount of information she was trying to understand in such a short amount of time. She had been dealing with everything fine up until now but it had just got to be too much. "Carla, I'm here. It's Johnny.. it's your dad." Johnny said comfortingly, hopeful that she wouldn't reject his advances to be there for his. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to slow down the room that seemed to spin around her. She opened her mouth to speak before Johnny interrupted. "What is it, love. What do you need?" He stayed by her side, awaiting her answer. "Roy.. I need Roy.".


End file.
